Eleven Years

I have so much on my mind these days...

I registered Paloma for Kindergarten(!) a couple weeks ago, and as we were driving home I heard this song for the first time.



Songs with timelines like this make me super-reflective. They make me take a deep breath, a pause, because they remind me just how fast time flies. They make me think about what I have done in my life up to this point, and of course as the years progress, I get emotional... that's just me.

"Once I was seven years old, my mama told me
Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely
Once I was seven years old"

In the last few weeks I have finally felt like I am getting my footing here. I feel like I am slowly carving my way into this amazing little community of Piedmont. I have finally put myself out there, interacting with the parents who have been available to me since the first few weeks of school, but I just wasn't ready then. It took me some time. I am still sad about my Dad often, but it's not preventing me (anymore) from starting to think about the near future.

"I always had that dream like my daddy before me
So I started writing songs, I started writing stories
Something about that glory, just always seemed to bore me
Cause only those I really love will ever really know me"

I have been writing more in the new year than I have in a long time, but not as consistently as I would like to. I find myself having so much to say, and it sounds so inspired in my mind, and then when I get it out on paper (or the computer), it is not the same, or I wonder who would even read it? And is writing anything more for me than just a release? Is it something I can do for "a living"? I am surrounded by so many talented people out here that it has me wondering whether or not I could keep up, considering I have been out of the game so long. I am a woman of many interests and passions, but what the heck am I going to do when it is time for me to go back to work (outside the home)? I have started thinking about it, and maybe I am over-thinking it, but the most important thing to me is that I can do something that does the following: 1) fulfills me creatively, 2) brings home some bacon, and (most importantly) 3) allows me to continue to be the mom and wife I want to be.

That is so important to me...

"Soon I'll be 60 years old, will I think the world is cold
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me?'
'Soon I'll be 60 years old, my daddy got 61
Remember life and then your life becomes a better one"

One commonality of all the songs I hear with timelines of these artists' lives, is how important the first 18-20 years are. I want to be present to help shape my kids' childhood into the best foundation possible for the rest of their lives. I want to teach them how to revel in every moment. But I also want to continue to work on me, and my contributions to the world (aside from my children). But what will those contributions be? My cupcakes and sweet treats? Another song? Public service? A children's book (top priority)? I guess that question doesn't need to be answered today, but hopefully someday soon, I will have some clarity on what it will be. One thing I do know is that I want to continue living life to it's fullest. I am trying to take full advantage of all there is where we are living. I want to learn and grow, alongside my children. I want to have tiny adventures daily, and big adventures spontaneously.

Now that my children are getting bigger, I am trying to revisit all the things that inspire me - all the things that get put on hold when you have babies (when your main focus is making sure they thrive the first 5+ years).

When I feel like I am forgetting to take care of ME a little (which happens from time to time), I will try to incorporate the things that nourish my soul, and include my kids in them, instead of just putting them off until I have a moment to myself. Paloma and I paint on the front steps, watching Quincy shoot hoops with the neighbor kids, while Forrest wanders from yard to yard, and we wait for Solon to come home. We have been visiting all the local library branches here and checking out 30 books at a time, just like my Dad used to do with my brother and me. I am reconnecting with nature - which is abundant out here - and I've encountered so many wonderful parks surrounding us where I can unplug and just be with my kids, while the fresh air envelopes me, and discoveries await.

I use to wake up to music. I used to listen to music while getting ready for the day; while cooking; while cleaning; while writing - I am starting to do that again. I don't remember when I stopped the consistency of it, but I am sure it had something to do with my children hearing a catchy pop song on the radio, and then that's all we could listen to, over and over and over. I am revisiting the music that makes me, me: Counting Crows, Simon & Garfunkel, the Beatles, Indigo Girls, Whitney Houston (the early years), John Denver, Eva Cassidy, Tracy Chapman, Gavin DeGraw, Train, India.Arie, and basically all my favorite 90's Alt Rock (thank you Pandora) and Oldies that my Dad loved.

Solon and I just celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary. Solon woke me up that Saturday, the way he has the last 10 anniversaries - by playing Tony! Toni! Tone!'s "Anniversary". We talked about all that has happened throughout the last 11 years of our marriage, the ups and the downs, the trips and the adventures, the stresses and the joys, the personal challenges that either we or the people we love had endured, the love, so much LOVE, and the losses, which we will feel for days and years to come. It's all part of life, and marriage, and I thank God every day that I have him as my partner through it all.

****

Now, some pictures (I haven't posted any since before Christmas, so here's a semi-quick recap):

In December, we had a weekend of fun celebrating Natan and Larel's birthday when they all came to visit. The cousins were OVERJOYED to be reunited again!

Then Quincy turned SEVEN(!) and my MOMMY(!!!) came in town

Quincy's "Jurassic World" Birthday Party

The following weekend we were back in Arizona for the Holiday Break, and we kicked it off with a playdate for Paloma with her preschool friends

Christmas Party at Holly & Chad's

Christmas Eve with my family

Christmas Night with Solon's family

Dinner (and tequila) with some of our nearest and dearest

The kids reunited with Eve while she was visiting from London

In January, Paloma turned 5(!) and got her ears pierced (by this girl)

Paloma's Birthday "Art" Party

In February, we celebrated Solon's 38th Birthday in a memorable way. I made reservations for a "fine dining" establishment overlooking Lake Merritt in Oakland, that was known for it's exquisite LIVE jazz, and marble dance floor. The restaurant turned out to be housed in a Senior Living Residence Building. We didn't realize it until our dinner arrived! We all got a good laugh, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

Return to Napa Valley for Tony's 50th Birthday - the kids are pros in Wine Country by now, and had their first ride in a LIMO!

In March, Papa Allen and Danita came to visit from Iowa!! It rained the first three days they were here (BOO!), but we still were able to have lots of fun, including an adventure into the city when the sun came out, and a trip into the beautiful regional parks.

Quincy and members of his 1st grade class performed in the "Annual Beach Revue". Five performances in one week - I am so proud of him and all of his buddies! It was a BIG commitment and he had an absolute blast! And BONUS: now he likes The Beatles!!! (WooHoo!)

Check out his moves in the performance below:


We have been filling our afternoons with art, sunshine, and Tae Kwon Do

And finally, a snap from Easter with the Meltzer family in Fairfield!

Up next, SPRING BREAK - Can't wait!!

Looking Back On All The Good... TODAY Of All Days

In life, some things we do because we love them. Some things we do out of obligation. And then there are things that we are moved to do, even if (at the time) we don't FULLY understand the significance or the lasting impact.

A little over two years ago, Natan and I were talking about our parents' upcoming anniversary. Solon overheard us say "40 years" and he said, "Oh, we've gotta do something big for them. Forty years is a huge milestone." Natan, Larel, and I agreed - and so a family lunch was planned. The location that made the most sense for an occasion like this, was the place that my parents had their first date, and where they celebrated their wedding anniversary each year - Monti's La Casa Vieja in Tempe.

It was a wonderful lunch, with as many of our local family that could make it. I was able to put a slideshow together for the occasion, and felt compelled to get it JUST RIGHT - even if it meant staying up way past my bedtime, several nights in a row. The music I included was paramount to the beginning of their relationship. Hey, I have a lot of my dad in me that way. And the look on their faces was priceless. My dad was rarely moved to tears, but he was clearly overcome with emotion looking back on 40 years of their love. He couldn't speak when it was over, for a moment, and then I heard him say quietly, "I didn't think I would make it this long. I am so glad I did."

What we didn't know at the time of the party, was that Monti's was going to close it's doors for good nine months later (November 2014), or that my daddy would only live to see one more anniversary with my mom. Call it fate, destiny, a higher power, or pure luck - but I am eternally grateful that we celebrated their 40 years of love in a major way.

Mamita, I know this day is going to be hard for you. But I want you to know this always... You and Daddy gave us the most amazing example of LOVE, TRUE LOVE. You stayed TRUE to your vows to each other - through ups and downs, successes and failures, sickness and health, LOVE and loss. Your example and your words will be embedded in Natan and me forever - "We don't have much, but we are RICH in LOVE." Think of that richness as you look back on your beautiful life together, TODAY of all days...



I love you both, today on what would be your 42nd Anniversary, and always.

Songs: Chacha Linda - Hermanos Martinez Gil
For My Lady - Moody Blues
New Horizons - Moody Blues

Six months

Dear Daddy,

This morning I woke up, after not really sleeping well last night. I had a dream about Quincy that spooked me - it felt so real, and I just couldn't seem to get back to sleep soundly after it.

All morning I felt a full 10 minutes behind, like a force was pressing against me, causing me to lose focus - not exactly accomplishing everything I wanted to on a Monday morning. It put me in a funk that I couldn't shake, and I couldn't figure out why.

In the afternoon, I sat down on the couch to have Quincy read to me, as he does every day after school. He read me a 41-page book on Meerkats, and decided that Meerkats are pretty gross little creatures. I chuckled at his "out-loud" discoveries of their worm and scorpion diets, and how they enjoy picking bugs off each other - and really just sat in awe at how much he has grown over the last year. I turned on my pre-recorded CBS This Morning, so I could catch up on the news of the day, and that's when I realized...

It's been exactly 6 months since you died. Six freakin' months. Some days it feels like longer. Some days it feels like yesterday. But I realized what that pressure was that kept holding me back today. It was my mind, imagining your embrace. I miss your hugs so much I can't stand it. You would just hold me, resting your chin atop my head, and our hearts would beat at the same time.

No one hugged like you do. It was a very special bear hug. I miss it. We all miss it.

I bought a special tequila at Costco last week. It's really smooth. You would have enjoyed it.

You would have enjoyed Beyonce's booty shaking at last night's Super Bowl Halftime Show. And the hot wings I made.

I miss hearing your voice. I would love more than anything to call you after every political debate, and just pick everything apart like we used to. You loved election season. So do I. It gets me so excited, and I wish you were here to talk to about it.

Paloma reminded me of you today. Her hair is out of control and totally awesome, and she made a face that you would make when you were really happy. And Quincy has your competitiveness down - he wants to win every game, and pouts a bit if he doesn't. He wants to perfect everything before he does it, just like you.

Friday nights are the hardest for Solon. Those were your nights. He said to tell you he loves and misses you, and can't wait to see you again.

We are still figuring out how to live in a world without you in it. I've been writing a lot. I don't cry every day anymore. I get on fine for several weeks, enjoying life and all the beauty that surrounds me here. And then there will be days like today, when I am laying on Paloma's bed, waiting for her to fall asleep, and the quiet night releases the tears that have been collecting since the last time. It's going to be like that for a while, I guess.

I don't really know how to end this letter to you, because I don't want it to end. So just know that I love you so much. All day. Every day.

Beautiful Distractions

The last two months have been filled with the most wonderful, needed, beautiful distractions.

Things like...

Birthday/Costume Parties

Family adventure to Bob's Pumpkin Farm at Half Moon Bay

Halloween

The kids as Dr. Seuss' The Lorax and Jurassic World's Indominus Rex

Solon and I as Diego Rivera and Frida Khalo

A day trip to Sonoma to visit Lucy, Bob, and Uncle Ralph

Visits from 3 of our best friends

Holly (and Makena)

Marsielle (a.k.a. Uncle Bone)

Becky (and Gracyn)

Family Photos taken by Liz!

And a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend spent in our new home with Grandma Sasa & Tony, and Aunt Alynsia

We have loved having QUALITY TIME with family and friends!

These visits have been much-needed, soul-filling distractions that have gotten me through week to week, despite my ever-so-broken heart. I have consistent happiness for most of the week, and then I will be driving down the CA-24 and Bridge Over Troubled Water (one of my Dad's favorites) will come on the radio, and I will be a sobbing mess. Or after a grocery run that is done in under 2 hours, I will be feeling like I just accomplished the impossible (if you live in California, you know what I mean), and Charlie Puth's song comes on the radio, and I am stuck at the longest red light, a sobbing mess.

"Why'd you have to leave so soon, yeah,
Why'd you have to go,
Why'd you have to leave me when I needed you the most,
'Cause I don't really know how to tell ya that I'm feeling much worse,
I know you're in a better place but it's always going to hurt,
Carry on,
Give me all the strength I need to carry on.

So let the light guide your way, yeah,
Hold every memory as you go,
And every road you take will always lead you home, home

It's been a long day without you my friend,
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began,
Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again, when I see you again."

*****

If you want me to really have a good cry, put on Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father, while I am assembling Christmas Cards. Yes, that happened. Not familiar with this beautiful song? You can watch the video below:



"If I could steal one final glance, one final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved?
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream"


And it's true... every night I fall asleep wishing for the same dream.



Last week, Forrest and I were taking a walk, and I had a quiet 20 minutes to myself to clear my head, and think. Sometimes 20 minutes is all I have each day for that. But it is in those 20 minutes that my thoughts immediately turn to my dad. I think of all the things I would tell him about if we could talk again. I try to hear his voice. I try to feel his hugs. I feel like its all I have been able to think/talk about for the past three months, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like I have released enough.

I have gone through all the stages of grief (I think), and some of the stages seem to circle back a few times.

Denial and Isolation - Yeah, living in a new place is kind of like living in a bubble so it can make it feel like the death never happened. Like I know it's real, but there are times when I call my parents' number and just expect my dad to answer. So I get the denial part. And isolation... for someone like me who everyone knows is a social butterfly... I have isolated myself in ways. Maybe because it's so hard for me to not give all of myself to others, and when meeting new people, that beginning can be so superficial until you invest the time and energy to really get to know someone. But I haven't had that energy (see Depression/Sadness), and I don't want to start off the conversation with, "Sorry if I get randomly sad on our play-date, but my dad died 5 days after we moved to this beautiful place, and the tiniest thing can set me off."

Anger - You bet I have been angry. I feel robbed. For myself, for my kids, for my brother, for my nephews, for my mom. For my dad. I am angry that we didn't get more time with him. I am angry that his heart was so weak, that he suffered internally so much. I am angry that he was so stubborn and didn't like doctors therefore had zero medical history by the time he actually got diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure (back in 2002), therefore it had already escalated inside him, therefore it shortened his life by 20 years. I am angry about that. And I am angry about being angry about that.

Bargaining - The "If only..." stage - enough said.

Depression/Sadness - I am in and out of this stage most of the time. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am still my usual positive/friendly self, but when something triggers the tears, they flow instantly, and freely. Like I have two personal levees that are about to break. See above RE: songs on the radio.

Acceptance - This Christmas break (when we are in AZ for 10 days) will force the beginning of this phase for me. When we go to my parents' house, I won't see a full glass of fresh-brewed Lipton Tea sitting on the kitchen table as I walk in the door. Walking into the living room, I will see Dad's chair, but the dogs won't be at his feet while he sits in it, wearing one of the many graphic tees he received from us as gifts. It's inevitable that I am going to have to face this stage very soon, and I guess I will approach it the same way I have, every day since August 8. One day at a time.

In the meantime, I am preparing for two family visits before we head back to AZ for the holidays - my brother's family this weekend (I can't wait to celebrate Natan and Larel's birthdays, and hug and kiss my nephews who I miss so much), and my mom next weekend. Aside from FaceTime, I haven't seen my mom in person or hugged her in over 2.5 months, which is the longest we have ever gone. It will be so wonderful to finally show her our home, where we live, and just be... with her. I am so excited I can hardly stand it!

I continue to be so grateful for my family, and this beautiful place we live in. I never tire of seeing the spectacular Golden Gate Bridge, or driving over the many suspension bridges in the Bay Area. We have been to Wine Country three times already, and have seen magnificent redwood and eucalyptus forests, and the sparkle of the ocean all in the same day. We are getting some good use of our jackets, and umbrellas, and I just stocked up on mittens! Such a crazy accessory for this AZ girl. But we are not taking one second for granted.

Please take some time to slow down and enjoy your family and friends this holiday season. Don't waste a chance to hug someone you love dearly, or better yet, tell them individually what they mean to you (look them in the eyes), and how much you love them.

We love and appreciate each of our family and friends (SO MUCH!), and wish you bountiful blessings this holiday season and for the New Year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Piedmont, California

This is Piedmont, CA.

It is a great neighborhood to live in. The community is very much like the one we left behind in Phoenix. I feel like we lucked out in finding this gem. Quincy and Paloma look forward to playing in the cul-de-sac with the neighborhood kids every evening after dinner. Paloma loves all the beautiful flowers that line the sidewalks around us.

Our neighbors are awesome. They have brought us dinner, taken me to coffee, kept an eye on my kids when Solon was out of town and I had a meeting at preschool, they have shared their treats with us, and even hired me to bake cupcakes for their son's birthday. We are getting to know them, and are already so grateful to be in the middle of a great group of neighbors.

The schools are fabulous. Forrest, Paloma, and I walk Quincy to school every day. And when we pick him up in the afternoon, he tells me how today was even better than the day before. In first grade he is only in school until 1:45pm, and instead of 5 days a week, Paloma's preschool only offers 3 days a week, which is a bit challenging for me, because I was so used to a fuller schedule for both kids. But we are working on it, and will soon be in a groove with that.

We are close to everything (15 minutes to the airport, 25 minutes into San Francisco, 10 minutes to Berkeley, 20 minutes to Costco, less than 30 minute drive to National parks, etc). And we are about a 30 minute drive from my dear friend Liz who (along with her husband Sean) helped us out TREMENDOUSLY during those first couple horrible weeks of this transition. Coming home to a house that was more than half unpacked (thanks to them) was seriously such a blessing. (Thank you Meltzers!!!)

I have been inspired to cook even more out here. With so many unique ingredients readily available, and so many specialty stores to choose from, my love of reading cookbooks, and watching Food Network has been reignited, and we have been eating well. And wine... the wine selection alone in California is enough to make you want to move here!

Honestly, now that we have had a month to really get settled in the house, I can say with certainty that I do like it here, very much. The only thing that would make it even more awesome is if the rest of our family was here too. =)

I have good days, and bad days. I miss my mom like crazy. I thought FaceTime would make the distance easier, but honestly, it makes it harder, because I can see her face, but I can't hug her. And she can see the kids, but I can't drop them off at her house for weekend sleepovers. And Quincy misses his Grandpa. He doesn't understand that Grandpa can't come back. He woke up the other morning asking me if it was just a dream, or was Grandpa really gone? He asked me who we could ask to help us bring my dad back. Were there "Heaven Helpers" that could retrieve him for us? I asked him if he dreamed that, and he said yes, and that he dreamed about Grandpa every night. In his dreams, they were mostly sitting together watching Godzilla movies, but also, sitting at the table eating pancakes, and going for long walks around the block (clearly, Quincy's fondest memories of times spent with my dad).

It still doesn't feel real to me. It all happened so fast. But it still doesn't feel fair. My quiet thinker, tender-hearted Quincy reminds me every day how unfair it is (if Grandpa REALLY CAN'T come back). And we've been talking a lot about death lately. A lot. We are just taking it one day at a time.

We are looking forward to Fall in California. Apple-picking, Pumpkin Patches, Harvest Festivals, exploring the surrounding nature, and the Bay's cooler temperatures. I am taking time out each day to ask God to continue to carry me through this time as I experience the many stages of the grieving process, all while trying to be my authentic, happy self, every day, and doing my absolute best to take care of my husband and children as well through this new change in our life. I am looking forward to this weekend when (my wonderful mother-in-law) Lisa and Tony come to town - it will really start to feel like home when I can entertain. =) So visitors are welcome!!

It already feels like home to Forrest.

P.S. Thank you to all our family and friends who have continued to show us support and love through this transition, and with the loss of my dad. I wish I could thank each of you individually (and I hope to eventually), but please know that your cards, calls, emails, poems, etc have truly helped us through every day. Thank you for loving us so much. Seriously. You rock. And we love you.

This Wasn't How It Was Supposed To Be

The plan was: we move to California, we get the house ready, and then we open our doors to family and friends for visits. Simple. Easy. That was the plan.

The plan wasn't supposed to be: Pack up your life, your kids, your dog, and lose your father. But that is what happened.

Two weeks before we were set to leave for the Bay Area, my dad's heart started acting up again. Having had Congestive Heart Failure for 13 years now, I didn't think much of it. "This is just routine," I thought to myself. He had to get an ablation every few years. Yes, it was an uncomfortable surgery for him, but he always bounced back in a few days following the procedure. This time was different. One of the many needles he had poked in his arms, caused a blood clot, so huge that it started at his elbow and went all the way to his heart. A blood clot on top of a blood clot, which required more surgery to remove. Then there was an aneurysm near the entry site of the ablation surgery. One thing after another, after another. TWELVE days later, my daddy got to go home.

That next morning, the kids and I went to go check on him again, and help him acclimate back to home life. I helped him organize his pills that he had to take. So many pills. He hated it. He didn't want to die, but he said, "This is no way to live." I could see the frustration on his face. My daddy loved life, and all the people in his world, and he wanted to live for all of us. His mind wished he was more physically able than his body actually allowed him to be.

I am so grateful that, the Sunday before we left, my brother and sister-in-law opened their home for us to say our "see-you-laters" to my side of the family. My dad didn't have much energy, but he came. He felt pretty miserable, and I reminded him what his doctor said. For every day he was in the hospital, it was going to take 5 days to recover. That's 60 days. He was on Day 4 at this point, and had a long way to go.

I sat with him, and held my hand in his. I was immediately transported back to being a little girl. I always felt so safe in my daddy's hands - so big, soft, warm. They provided such comfort to me. Something in me pushed me to tell him everything that was in my heart that night. I looked him in the eyes, and told him how much I loved him. How much I was going to miss him. I told him to take it easy, and take his time to recover, so that he could come visit us in California. We had plans to drop him off at City Lights Bookstore in the city all day, and then once he had his fill of a world of books, we would drive to Carmel for the weekend. That's what he wanted, and that's what he was to be working/resting for. I told him that my kids WORSHIPPED him. That they absolutely adored him. I told him that he was my husband's best friend. That we couldn't wait to see him again. He rallied a bit that night. Long enough for me to snap a few pictures, and hug him so tight several times.

The kids, the dog, and I arrived Tuesday to our new home in Piedmont. Our moving crew showed up Thursday with the boxes. Late Thursday night I got the call that my dad had collapsed. Friday morning I was an anxious mess catching a flight back to Phoenix.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Our biggest fear had come true. That we would leave, and something bad would happen. I know we couldn't control it. But it was absolutely the worst feeling I had ever experienced.

I knew as he lay in "critical condition" that his soul had already left this place. I knew it the second I walked in the ICU. But how do you let your daddy go? How do comfort your mother as she weeps uncontrollably because the love of her life isn't coming home with her this time? How do you have strength for your brother who is always the strong one and is unable to hold it in anymore? What do you say to your 92-year-old grandma who is shaking her head in disbelief, that she was there when he took his first breath, and now his last? How could I comfort my husband who loved my dad so dearly, but was a whole state away? We were in pieces.

In my moment of absolutely ugly, wailing, pleading sobbing, I placed my hand in his again. His warmth comforted me and in my heart, I knew he suffered no more.

He died at 12:15pm on a Saturday, surrounded by family. It was the worst 36 hours of my life.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any harder, I realized I had to tell my children. What was I going to say to my kids? Would they understand what it meant? Of course they wouldn't. Maybe in time. They knew he had a sick heart. They had visited him many times in the hospital. Paloma said, "He's with Papa Ray now, and Jesus." Tears came to Quincy's eyes as he said, "You mean he's not coming back? I won't get to see him again? Why can't he come back? Who's going to watch Godzilla movies with me?" My heart was breaking all over again.

The next few days were an absolute blur. We got through by the grace of God, and with the love that surrounded us by family and friends from all around. (Thank you for your messages, meals, hugs, tears, flowers, etc - it all meant more to my mom and our family than you could ever know.)

His "Celebration of Life" brought people together from all corners of his life, many that I hadn't seen in years. We (my mom, brother, Grandma, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Bill and I) planned it in 2 days. We didn't know who would be able to come with that short notice. But to see those faces in that beautiful church overlooking the mountains... Old and current neighbors, old and new friends, fellow movie-lovers, Natan's and my friends (their spouses, kids, and parents, too), kids my dad coached in little league, and family members who loved my dad so much. There were at least a dozen people there who had never even met my dad, but care for my brother or me so much that they just wanted to be there to support us and learn more about the man who helped mold their friend into the person they are today. It was incredible.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

His Obituary:
Thomas Henry Jacobs, 67, of Phoenix, AZ, passed away Saturday, August 8, 2015.

"He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad." (From Scaramouche, by Rafael Sabatini)

Tom was born January 6, 1948, in Lakewood, Ohio, to Ray and Miriam (White) Jacobs. He attended DePauw University in Indiana, and graduated from Michigan State University in 1969. In his youth, baseball was his greatest passion. During school, he was a writer and an actor. His travels to Europe after graduation left him with some of his fondest memories, shaping his love for the arts and history. Shortly after moving to Phoenix in 1973, he met the love of his life. Tom and Alicia Nieto were married in Mexico City in 1974 and shared 41 wonderful years together.

Tom was a poet, journalist, actor, an avid collector of music and books, and a world traveler. He loved raising his children and being surrounded by family, his wolf-huskies, watching movies, harvesting chili peppers, and exploring nature.

Tom is survived by his mother, Miriam, wife, Alicia, son, Natan Jacobs and his wife Larel, daughter Candida Bell and her husband Solon; his sister Nancy Shaffner and her husband Bill of Pittsburgh, PA, four adoring grandchildren, two nieces, and a large extended family. He was preceded in death by his father, Ray, in 2008.

A celebration of life will be held promptly at 4 p.m. Tuesday, August 11, at Shadow Rock United Church of Christ, 12861 N. 8th Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85029. Doors open at 3:30 p.m. In lieu of flowers, please send a donation in his honor to the Wolf Conservation Center, the National Park Service, or the Heard Museum. - The guest book will be online until 9/10/2015 - please feel free to leave a message or favorite memory of my dad by clicking here.

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Every day I am reminded of him. The beautiful thunderstorm the night after his service, the dozen of original poems I found in a box at the bottom of my old closet that he had written and never told us about, the random Coca-Cola bottle I grabbed for Solon at the airport that said "Share a Coke with Tommy," the hummingbirds that seem to follow me everywhere I go, the daddy-long-leg spiders that watch over me in the highest corners of the rooms in my new house, the earthquake that jolted me out of bed the morning after I came back to California (very funny, Daddy), the first friend that Quincy met at his new school named Thomas - my dad is everywhere.

And I miss him every day. Every single second of every single day. And I will love him always, and forever.